Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
