remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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