He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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