Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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