just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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