Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
