We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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