Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
