I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
