the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
