I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
