Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
