More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
