I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize