Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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