so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
