Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
