Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I supernannyed him into submission
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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