whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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