Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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