I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
