This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
