I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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