Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
