So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
