You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
