weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
