I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
