Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
