: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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