what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
