he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
