The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
