I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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