she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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