What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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