He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
