Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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