Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize