I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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