you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize