Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
