I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
