Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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