Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they need to just BURY HIM!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
