How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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