we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
