..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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