I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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