I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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