your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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