I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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