he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
