I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
