the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
