I love black thongs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
