I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
