It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
