We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
