my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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