there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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