tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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