He kissed a someone with a penis
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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