I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
