Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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