He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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