She is in my trunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
