It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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